Sunday, September 26, 2010
Reading quotes about death or daughter actually makes me feel really good. I smile when I know it probably makes some people sad. I guess I am experiencing some peace. It doesn't make the loss any easier...I miss my beautiful Isabella more and more each day. At least now I can smile sometimes instead of just cry. I still have hope. . . as weird as that may sound.
What I wanted most for my daughter was that she be able to soar confidently in her own sky, whatever that may be.
Last Friday, September 17th, exactly 3 months from when Isabella passed away I was walking out from a meeting and a BEAUTIFUL butterfly almost smacked me in the face. When I was in Costa Rica I fell in love with and then studied the Blue Morpho Butterfly. To me, the Blue Morpho is the MOST beautiful butterfly and the butterfly that almost landed on me was very similar to that butterfly. Now, the logical scientific part of me KNOWS that there is no way there could be a blue morpho around here, and it didn't have the exact same markings anyway. BUT, I do think that Isabella, or God, or both send me "signs" to comfort me. It made me smile on a day that I didn't think I could smile. It made me have hope again...even when that may seem like a very hard thing to still have. I still have faith, hope, and love. And right now at this very moment, I am happy. I know Isabella wants to look down on a happy mommy, not a sad one. So on this Friday we had enough strength to pick out her headstone. I made sure to put a butterfly on it.
I feel like I have a lot of support from a lot of people but I think that people tend to forget that father's are grieving too. I know that Dan feels like he has to fix things--and losing Isabella is not something that can be fixed. That is a tough thing for a dad to deal with. I think that it is extra hard because he does not have as many outlets to grieve as I do...I worry about him. I know he is hurting too. I hope that people will remember that father's need that support and love.